Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm passing your future prison.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
