I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
