So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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