remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
