People in love make me want to vomit
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dignity is for republicans.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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