I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
