Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
