the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
