May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
