sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
