DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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