she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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