That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
