U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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