Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
