Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I could fuck to npr.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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