I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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