My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
