dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
