his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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