True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
