i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
