There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
