the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
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I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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