is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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