so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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