I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
