He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
