WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
