Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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