stop calling my apartment porn island.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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