We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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