your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
