get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
