cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
