I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
