I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
