all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He has the fingertips of a God
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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