They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I need to sanitize my soul.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
