How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize