He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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