wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize