Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
