I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
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You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
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...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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