We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
