you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
