Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize