Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
