Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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