Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
