One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Operation Purity has been aborted
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
