now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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