Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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