So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
