I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
