I need to stop coming to work sober
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
