I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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