My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
A+ Viking dick
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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