Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
