Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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