He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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