This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
