You work out of a Hotel?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He better not be in your backpack
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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