I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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