And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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