he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
