The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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