Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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