weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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