Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
