seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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