Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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